Seven Things You Need to Know
1. Help is available. There are people who will believe you--and who know what to do. Many courthouses have domestic violence advocates on staff, and there are non-profit agencies located throughout the country. The domestic violence hotline, 1-800-799-7233, can direct you to one in your area.
2. Once you find help, tell the truth. This is vital. It may be difficult to tell a stranger your deepest secrets, but remember: Yours is not the first story they’ve heard. Domestic abuse may follow a pattern, but each situation is unique. Advocates can not help you if they do not know what is going on.
3. A safety plan is vital. This might be as simple as deciding not to fight in the kitchen (where there are sharp objects and you may become trapped) or it may entail collecting all important papers (bank statements, birth certificates, etc.) and a change of clothes and keeping them in a safe place. Have a cell phone and a charged battery with you at all times: even without service, you can reach 911. There are many organizations that distribute cell phones.
4. Document everything. Get a journal and write down what is happening in your home. Keep the journal in a safe place. Hide it anywhere you are sure he will not look--at a friend’s house if necessary. This record may help you obtain an order of protection, or it may remind you of why you left, if you decide to.
5. You don’t have to wait until he ‘loses it’ to leave. In fact, the safest time to leave may be during the ‘honeymoon’ phase, when he’s not expecting it. This may be more difficult than leaving while you’re hurt or angry, but far more effective--if only because you are thinking more clearly.
6. You don’t have to have bruises to get an order of protection. In fact, the court can grant you a restraining order based on what he has done in the past and what you fear he may do once you leave--if you have documentation. Police records, hospital records (of physical violence), or his history of arrests can help.
7. Above all, trust your instincts! You know deep inside what your partner is capable of, and you know the little telltale signs that he's about to blow. ('The look', tapping his fingers, pacing the house, whatever your partner does that makes you tense up and 'get ready'.) That little voice inside you is trying to keep you alive; listen to it.
A word of caution: Your internet use can be tracked. If you are living with a controlling partner, get to a safe computer or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
In the UK ring The National Domestic Violence helpline at 0808 2000247 or in an emergency ring 999.
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